Back home from Berlin

Back home from Berlin

Four travel days lie behind me. My yoga mat was with me during my trip to Berlin. I didn't use it. Either I thought it was too cold in the hotel room or I didn't get up on time. I have still some time to finish my picture project, that is to take a picture of the asanas of the standing sequence of Ashtanga yoga. My deadline was the 10th of February. Till the end of February the standing sequence will be my focus.

Tomorrow a new month begins. This is always like a fresh beginning.

Let's practice.

My picture project gets me going

My picture project gets me going

My picture project motivates me to practice. It's difficult these days to step on the mat as I'm weak and my back hurts. I'm so weak that I cannot hold my body when I lower it after plank pose. I lie my body on the floor and from there I move into upward facing dog. Today I managed it to hold my body once. When this will become easy, I'll try to hold my body twice and so on.

My picture project is to take one picture of an asana of the Ashtanga yoga series every day. I limit myself to one asana (right and left side).  It's not that easy to limit myself. The advantage is that I give my body time to get stronger and more flexible for the poses that come next. 

My very first goal is to master again the standing asanas. I know when I've reached this goal. It is when I can follow easily the CD by Sharath. I don't strive for perfection. 

This little project ends at the 10th of February. When I can do the standing sequence with a certain flow, I'll celebrate it. 

Then comes the next project: primary. 

I love my pictures. They bring fun in my life. They motivate me to practice. Sometimes they spoil the flow of a practice. It's OK. Who cares. 

Preliminary exercises

Preliminary exercises

When I practice at home I add exercises that help me to perform asanas  that are difficult for me.

I approach all the poses slowly after the break.  I remember that I had put blocks under my feet (picture 1) as a preparation exercise. Yesterday it was enough to lie on the floor. I could feel the stretch on my upper thighs. This little exercise was a perfect preparation. Bhekasana felt good.

Bhekasana is a challenging pose.
I was astonished how far I could get into the pose. But I lost strength and this helped me to stay rather flexible.

Today I start my practice with strength training.

Here is a list that helps to master asanas:

1. Find preliminary exercises.
2. Hold the asana longer than 5 breaths.
3. Repeat the asanas that you want to learn and that are difficult. Up to three repetitions seem OK for me. Each time it becomes easier.

A new approach to my yoga practice

A new approach to my yoga practice

It's Sunday today and I practiced at home. Before starting I prepared my camera. My pictures are an excellent learning tool. Filming could be even better. I feel not yet ready to film my practice that became so slow. Pain is still there. I needed about 40 min for the sun salutations and the standing asanas and a twist. I take care not to overstretch after the break. 

The break was too long, but who knows. It can be that it was the best that I could do. There is still this inflammation on the right side of my back. 

I haven't lost so much flexibility, but I got very weak. 

I used the break of my Ashtanga yoga practice to read a lot of books. When a body grows older usually it becomes weaker. Most people don't do anything against it. But if one wants to age without experiencing that life aggravates, strength training is recommended. 

Strength training also protects from injuries. It is very important. Ashtanga yoga training makes stronger, but it is not enough. I wasn't able to perform some asanas (i.e. pincha mayurasana) because I was too weak. 

If I have learned anything during the last year it is that I have to adjust the practice to my needs, to my age, to my abilities. 

Classes offer usually on practice that shall fit to all students the same way. This is simple, but dangerous. In my case it led to a serious injury, that lasts over a year already. 

Downdog is the first asana in the Ashtanga yoga practice. It's the first pose we hold 5 breaths when doing sun salutations. 

Here comes the next adjustment I do because of my age. After every pose comes a counter pose. This is relaxing and helps to balance the body. A counter pose of forward bending asanas is upward facing dog. To hold it only for one breath is not enough for me. I don't reach my limits, I cannot relax when I practice a counter pose only for one breath. I feel free to prolong the pose. 

I summarize some of my experiences:

1. Adjust the practice to your needs.

2. Cultivate a home practice.

3. Strength training is recommended and even necessary at my age.

4. Hold counter poses longer than one breath, if the body needs more time to get into a back bending after a forward bending asana i.e.. 

When the student is ready, the teachers disappear.

When the student is ready, the teachers disappear.

A friend posted this sentence on Facebook yesterday. It's her variation of the sentence: When the student is ready, the teacher appear.

After decades of practicing yoga, the teacher disappear. This fits much more to my current situation.

This doesn't mean that learning has stopped. To learn never stops. Learning happens through multiple channels, through books, online-videos, my own practice, conversations, reflections, also through teachers and practitioners. One can learn from anything. The one main learning source disappeared. It's substituted through many sources.

In former years I loved it to get attention and adjustments in yoga classes. Every tiny hint was appreciated. These days I have the feeling I heard everything already. I like not to get interrupted during my practice only when absolutely necessary.

I do miss the yoga community, the energy of a group session. I love to see all these yogis bending.
When I feel ready I'll go again to the the yoga school that I found last year. I felt welcomed there. Yet I'll begin with home practices.

In the first week of 2017 I had a cold. I felt thwarted.
The cold disappeared.
So today is my start of my yoga practice of 2017. Whatever happens is appreciated, also a single pose.

Happy new year again to everybody. Let's move.

Picture: My breakfast these days. It's one of Attila Hildmann's recipes found in his new book 'Vegan for fit 2'.

10 years of blogging

10 years of blogging

I blog 10 years already. I practice even longer Ashtanga yoga. And yoga I practice for decades. Last year I had under 100 posts. My practice was more or less interrupted due to my back injury caused by unreasonable teaching. Why did I not run away earlier? I still can't believe it that I was supposed to practice 2 and a half hour every day only because I wasn't able to do kapotasana. Each month I was a bit more frustrated. Is this the goal of Ashtanga yoga?

To restart is hard. I don't see an alternative. I'm an active person, I want to stay flexible and strong.

I know I'm not alone. There are a lot of sports invalids not only in the yoga community. I cannot turn the wheel backwards. I'll have to live with the pain. I gave up on the idea that I'll be pain free one day. I know how to release the pain: fascia massage helps. When I reflected on 2016 I asked myself what was good and what was not so good. I hesitated. Shall I judge the back issues as positive or negative? Finally I put it on the positive list as it is all better. I can sleep again, I can sit again. I can stand up. This was not possible in the beginning of the year 2016. Only walking was possible without pain. But who can walk all the time? It was an Odyssey to find a good doctor and the right treatment. A physio therapist helped me finally.
I'm sure that sooner or later I would have injured myself if I practiced re the rules in the Ashtanga yoga community. In classes no tiny bit of  variations are allowed. No individuality is allowed. Everybody has to do the same. So perhaps it's even good that I got injured now and not later. At my age the body needs longer to recover.
No complaints anymore. I'll focus on second series when I'll be able to start again. Too many forward bending asanas don't feel good right now.

Here I sit with a cold. It's impossible to practice. I feel weak, my nose and my throat need all my attention. There is snow outside. Perhaps I walk a bit. And I'm sure I'll sleep a lot. This cold is temporarily.

Happy new year

Happy new year

Happy new year to everybody.

We celebrated the end of 2016 in an Indian restaurant called 'Guru'. They were so kind to prepare a vegan dinner for me. We got 5 different courses. The lentil soup was a poem. I loved the mango sorbet at the end.

At midnight we were at home. I was amazed about the firework here in that tiny village. They must safe all year long for this hour, I thought.
At 1:30 am I was in bed and I woke up before the alarm clock could wake me up. I put on my clothes, had a coffee and then I got outside. I wanted to walk 10 000 steps. There is a sea not so far away. It's a beautiful place, but I knew already that I had to circle it minimum 7 times till I would have done the 10 000 steps. After the 6th round my smart phone shut down. I cursed. Should I really make the last round when I cannot count the steps? I did it.

I wonder if it makes sense to walk 90 min every day. It's probably better than sitting on the sofa all day long. But it doesn't really exhaust me. It's time consuming to reach 10 000 steps. The huge advantage is that one can walk everywhere. To be outside, to get fresh air is also wonderful. To move betters every mood.
At least my discipline muscle got trained. I wanted to walk and I did it.

We all have a cold here. I'll adjust my plans to it.

I wish everybody a wonderful start 2017.

Any movement is motivating

Any movement is motivating

Wow, yesterday I did 12.787 steps. That is about 4,7 km. The app says that I used 269,6 kcal. I doubt that these data are so precise. The app doesn't know the size of my steps i.e. I walked 1 hour minimum. This is the time that is need for so many steps. I still sit long enough.

However. To walk around gave me energy. One could think that it exhausted me, but no, I was so motivated to practice. It was the afternoon when I stepped on the mat I know it's better to practice in the morning, but it's better to practice in the afternoon than not to practice at all.

It felt so good. A metaphor came up. It was as if a home was neglected and when returning everywhere were clouds of dust. The performance of the asanas cleaned and cleared the home, my body. It refreshed my inner organs. I could feel the blood running and cleaning the tiniest corner in my body. I felt 10 years younger after the practice.

This morning (10 am) I was ready for another home practice (despite feeling my back). It was a short practice of one hour. I took rest when necessary, I held the poses much longer than 5 breaths. And again, I feel excellent now. I won't give up!!!!

It has advantages not to get up at 5am. Yesterday night I saw the movie 'Florence Foster Jenkins' with a wonderful Meryl Streep. I wouldn't have loved the movie if everybody would have laughed about this singer Florence, who existed in real life. Of course it was funny, but Meryl Streep created a person that was not only ridiculous, one had to love and admire this person. By now the most clicks of the stored concerts of Carnegie Hall receives Florence Foster Jenkins. Art is entertaining. It needn't to cause awe. Hang your pictures lower, I read once. I understand what was meant by it. Everybody can have fun to sing, to paint, to create. The process of creating is so rewarding. Not every end product need to be a master piece.
I was in a cinema that got renovated lately. The voucher was from friends. One could lie the legs on a comfortable stand in front of the armchair. A man explained the chairs before the show: "You can raise the armrest, if you like, so that you can snuggle with your partner." Of course, there was a tiny table on the right side of every armchair. It was possible to order food and drinks. I had olives with bread and wasabi nuts. I also had a fruit cocktail. Others had ordered a bottle of wine and huge snacks that decorated plates that had three floors. Blankets were offered to stay warm. What pleased me most was that it was a premiere before the premiere. So this morning when I went through my stream on Facebook, I saw a review of the movie by CNN. Ah, I thought and I've seen the movie already.

Yoga was great already. Will I manage to take these 10.000 steps today again? It's my plan.

10 000 steps

10 000 steps

By now  I made 8.729 steps. Probably it's a bit more as I don't carry around my smart phone with the step counter all the time. I wanted to move today, no matter what. The surprise is that even though I walked rather slowly, I feel slightly exhausted now. I did something is the feeling.

Why 10 000 steps we wondered lately, why is it recommended to walk exactly 10 000 steps? The American heart society has found out that moving less can be considered as inactive. This convinced me.

I think I'll accomplish the 10 000 steps today. And tomorrow?

Since I know that yoga is not really a work out, I consider to add some other activities, too. I'm still in the phase to create routines here, too. Strength training, walking, all this shall keep me fit till 100+.

I sleep well these days. And long. The first month that I paid for yoga classes is soon over. I went  3 times. This is not much. Tonight I'll watch Florence Foster Jenkins. It's very unlikely that I'll get up at 5 when I'll be in bed at about 11 pm. I could plan a home practice. Wow, isn't this something I could look forward to? Yes, it is.

Yesterday I friend told me that she showed my blog to a friend. The friend was surprised: 'She is not missionary.' No, I'm not. I don't want to convince anybody to do what I do. Likes and dislikes are so personal.
I rather write about my struggles. This back injury really pushed me into a deep deep valley called: inactivity. I want to move out of this valley and this is not easy. Quickly other activities but practicing yoga dominate the day. Suddenly there is no time anymore for this spiritual practice. This happens so fast. There was something, I think sometimes......but I won't give up. Inactivity never helps.
Tomorrow I have no appointment. Tomorrow is the day for a home practice. It can be a short one. Whatever happens is great and deserves to be considered as great. A fresh passionate start is needed. No discussions anymore. I love yoga.

The circle

The circle

The circle: I practice, back pain returns, I wait and stop practicing, back pain disappears, I practice again and so on.

What to do?
To stop practicing is not an alternative. But for a while I must stop practicing primary. Back bending feels good, too much forward bending weakens my back.

Nothing less but the books by Arnold Schwarzenegger motivate me to keep practicing. To take care of the body is a must. The body needs movement.

I plan already 2017:
The focus is second series. Nothing else. Focus is back bending and strength training.
Perhaps my body stabilizes when I do something differently.

This back bending issues are with me now for a long time. This doesn't amuse me. But the issues shall not become an excuse to stop. To exercise softer and smarter, with more respect for the current limits might be the right way to heal again.

At home I would have stopped practicing

At home I would have stopped practicing

To get up at 5 am is the easy part. Also today I felt fresh and awake at that time. To get ready within an hour is possible. I drink a black cup of coffee, I shower and I write my journal within that time frame. At 6 am I leave the home, at 6:30 I can start with the first sun salutation.

It's still dark when I get up. I usually look out of the window to see who of my neighbours is up already. I saw a light in one of the windows in the opposite building. The early hours are great. Whatever one does, there is always another person on that globe who does almost the same. I know I'm not alone to get up that early. The difference might be that I'm loving it, many early-riser might prefer to sleep in.

I feel at home in the 'new' shala. We are a rather small group, under 10 people.
I experience support. My current situation is more important than the strict Ashtanga rules, which shall allow to teach as many yoginis as possible. I'm so glad that it's respected that I'm an individual with her own desires and needs.

I don't feel pushed to do anything that doesn't feel good to me.
I also omit asanas, like bakasana B. I fear dynamic movements. This all is possible. Today I added some relaxing asanas for my back. Such an atmosphere is exactly what I need to heal and to keep practicing. The difference between my home practice and the practice in the shala is tiny. But I have the energy of a group and a teacher. The adjustments I got today showed me that the teacher is experienced.

Today back pain was back. Now it's gone again. But during the practice it was awful. Next time I'll take my little ball to the class to roll out the muscle. It's called fascia massage. This helps.

The valley is deep and long. But I won't stay there. To stop the practice is not the solution. One has to move. Strength and flexibility are important especially if one gets older. Being inactive aggravates every life.

I'm sad and frustrated and furious, too. I knew it better. But I didn't listen to myself.

I have also energy. I won't give up. There is a lot to do:

1. Strength training
2. Nutrition (more protein)
3. Pranayama and meditation (can be done without pain)

This blog will support my activities. To document the progress or setbacks is supportive.

These days I practice till pincha mayurasana. After this asana I'm mentally done. I cannot convince myself to do another asana.

I marked my calender. I want to see where I'll be next year, the 30. December 2017. Shall my goals give me the necessary motivation for the daily work to get there.
One goal is to practice full 2nd series again. Focus is back bending. To be a bit more precise. I want to come up from urdhva dhanurasana and I want to come up from laghu vajrasana, too. Kapotasana is on the list, too.

Might it happen.

Also tomorrow I want to go to the shala.


Picture is taken 7 years ago. After work I went to the steps in front of a huge official building to enjoy the late afternoon sun. I had to ask people if they took a picture of myself.....I had no tripod and only a tiny camera.

Very content

Very content

My strategy to get up every day a bit earlier didn't work.

So yesterday was the day of decision. I enrolled for a yoga class that requires to book it in advance. Now I had to get up. Unbelievable, but today at 5 am I was less tired than yesterday at 8 am.

I had a phone call with the owner of the yoga studio yesterday. It was important to me to make sure that I don't have to start with primary again. It might be necessary to practice variations, I warned and asked if this was possible. It was.

Flexibility has many faces.

To listen to my body and it's possibilities and limits are more important than to follow Ashtanga yoga rules religiously. I found such a yoga group this morning, where this is possible.

The teacher observed me today, without adjusting. He wanted to observe my practice first, I learned later. Afterward I could also inform him about my practice and my injured sacroiliac joint and also what were my goals. This is in my opinion a very professional approach that shows me that the teacher has experience. A bit of conversation to get to know the students is important in my opinion.

It's easier to practice in a group. And if the individual situation is respected it's perfect.
Nevertheless I want to cultivate a home practice, perhaps twice a week.

I don't keep searching now for a group for myself. I found it. This makes me more than happy.

Picture: It's taken 3 years ago. The ups are fun in life, the downs probably are best opportunities to learn.

At 8 am my practice was over, after 90 min. It's perfect timing.
At home I can do pranayama and meditation.

Primary on Friday

Primary on Friday

Last Friday I practiced primary series again, that is  I did what was possible. From time to time I added a vinyasa. Kurmasana was intensive, but enough. I had to omit supta kurmasana. Several times I had to roll out my psoas muscle on the right side of my back. For the time being primary doesn't feel good. I don't want to lose all the asanas of primary and also not the vinyasas, but I see that it makes no sense to practice this first series of Ashtanga yoga. Pain is a good guide. The pain disappears faster than ever. Nevertheless it returns when I do all these forward bending asanas.

On Saturday I rested. Today second series is planned. I feel good again.

I should forget about primary for some time. I cannot find out what causes the pain exactly these days. Nevertheless it's there after primary. My focus must be second series and back bending, when I don't want to lose interest in that yoga activity I have to listen to my body.

Things happen, this back pain will hopefully make me smarter. Anything can always be learned.
The last years on the mat were great, I started appreciating the very early mornings. To get up at 5 am, before sunrise is fantastic. I want to get back to this habit. I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I started loving it. It's just a habit that becomes easier every day.

Yesterday I found a quote my Henry Miller in the book 'Henry Miller on writing', page 20: Every man is working out his destiny in his own way and nobody can be of help except by being kind, generous and patient.

My yoga journey goes on with a different gear. A lot is to explore again. Being attentive is more important than achieving goals.