When the student is ready, the teachers disappear.


A friend posted this sentence on Facebook yesterday. It's her variation of the sentence: When the student is ready, the teacher appear.

After decades of practicing yoga, the teacher disappear. This fits much more to my current situation.

This doesn't mean that learning has stopped. To learn never stops. Learning happens through multiple channels, through books, online-videos, my own practice, conversations, reflections, also through teachers and practitioners. One can learn from anything. The one main learning source disappeared. It's substituted through many sources.

In former years I loved it to get attention and adjustments in yoga classes. Every tiny hint was appreciated. These days I have the feeling I heard everything already. I like not to get interrupted during my practice only when absolutely necessary.

I do miss the yoga community, the energy of a group session. I love to see all these yogis bending.
When I feel ready I'll go again to the the yoga school that I found last year. I felt welcomed there. Yet I'll begin with home practices.

In the first week of 2017 I had a cold. I felt thwarted.
The cold disappeared.
So today is my start of my yoga practice of 2017. Whatever happens is appreciated, also a single pose.

Happy new year again to everybody. Let's move.

Picture: My breakfast these days. It's one of Attila Hildmann's recipes found in his new book 'Vegan for fit 2'.

10 years of blogging


I blog 10 years already. I practice even longer Ashtanga yoga. And yoga I practice for decades. Last year I had under 100 posts. My practice was more or less interrupted due to my back injury caused by unreasonable teaching. Why did I not run away earlier? I still can't believe it that I was supposed to practice 2 and a half hour every day only because I wasn't able to do kapotasana. Each month I was a bit more frustrated. Is this the goal of Ashtanga yoga?

To restart is hard. I don't see an alternative. I'm an active person, I want to stay flexible and strong.

I know I'm not alone. There are a lot of sports invalids not only in the yoga community. I cannot turn the wheel backwards. I'll have to live with the pain. I gave up on the idea that I'll be pain free one day. I know how to release the pain: fascia massage helps. When I reflected on 2016 I asked myself what was good and what was not so good. I hesitated. Shall I judge the back issues as positive or negative? Finally I put it on the positive list as it is all better. I can sleep again, I can sit again. I can stand up. This was not possible in the beginning of the year 2016. Only walking was possible without pain. But who can walk all the time? It was an Odyssey to find a good doctor and the right treatment. A physio therapist helped me finally.
I'm sure that sooner or later I would have injured myself if I practiced re the rules in the Ashtanga yoga community. In classes no tiny bit of  variations are allowed. No individuality is allowed. Everybody has to do the same. So perhaps it's even good that I got injured now and not later. At my age the body needs longer to recover.
No complaints anymore. I'll focus on second series when I'll be able to start again. Too many forward bending asanas don't feel good right now.

Here I sit with a cold. It's impossible to practice. I feel weak, my nose and my throat need all my attention. There is snow outside. Perhaps I walk a bit. And I'm sure I'll sleep a lot. This cold is temporarily.





Happy new year



Happy new year to everybody.

We celebrated the end of 2016 in an Indian restaurant called 'Guru'. They were so kind to prepare a vegan dinner for me. We got 5 different courses. The lentil soup was a poem. I loved the mango sorbet at the end.

At midnight we were at home. I was amazed about the firework here in that tiny village. They must safe all year long for this hour, I thought.
At 1:30 am I was in bed and I woke up before the alarm clock could wake me up. I put on my clothes, had a coffee and then I got outside. I wanted to walk 10 000 steps. There is a sea not so far away. It's a beautiful place, but I knew already that I had to circle it minimum 7 times till I would have done the 10 000 steps. After the 6th round my smart phone shut down. I cursed. Should I really make the last round when I cannot count the steps? I did it.

I wonder if it makes sense to walk 90 min every day. It's probably better than sitting on the sofa all day long. But it doesn't really exhaust me. It's time consuming to reach 10 000 steps. The huge advantage is that one can walk everywhere. To be outside, to get fresh air is also wonderful. To move betters every mood.
At least my discipline muscle got trained. I wanted to walk and I did it.

We all have a cold here. I'll adjust my plans to it.

I wish everybody a wonderful start 2017.


Any movement is motivating


Wow, yesterday I did 12.787 steps. That is about 4,7 km. The app says that I used 269,6 kcal. I doubt that these data are so precise. The app doesn't know the size of my steps i.e. I walked 1 hour minimum. This is the time that is need for so many steps. I still sit long enough.

However. To walk around gave me energy. One could think that it exhausted me, but no, I was so motivated to practice. It was the afternoon when I stepped on the mat I know it's better to practice in the morning, but it's better to practice in the afternoon than not to practice at all.

It felt so good. A metaphor came up. It was as if a home was neglected and when returning everywhere were clouds of dust. The performance of the asanas cleaned and cleared the home, my body. It refreshed my inner organs. I could feel the blood running and cleaning the tiniest corner in my body. I felt 10 years younger after the practice.

This morning (10 am) I was ready for another home practice (despite feeling my back). It was a short practice of one hour. I took rest when necessary, I held the poses much longer than 5 breaths. And again, I feel excellent now. I won't give up!!!!

It has advantages not to get up at 5am. Yesterday night I saw the movie 'Florence Foster Jenkins' with a wonderful Meryl Streep. I wouldn't have loved the movie if everybody would have laughed about this singer Florence, who existed in real life. Of course it was funny, but Meryl Streep created a person that was not only ridiculous, one had to love and admire this person. By now the most clicks of the stored concerts of Carnegie Hall receives Florence Foster Jenkins. Art is entertaining. It needn't to cause awe. Hang your pictures lower, I read once. I understand what was meant by it. Everybody can have fun to sing, to paint, to create. The process of creating is so rewarding. Not every end product need to be a master piece.
I was in a cinema that got renovated lately. The voucher was from friends. One could lie the legs on a comfortable stand in front of the armchair. A man explained the chairs before the show: "You can raise the armrest, if you like, so that you can snuggle with your partner." Of course, there was a tiny table on the right side of every armchair. It was possible to order food and drinks. I had olives with bread and wasabi nuts. I also had a fruit cocktail. Others had ordered a bottle of wine and huge snacks that decorated plates that had three floors. Blankets were offered to stay warm. What pleased me most was that it was a premiere before the premiere. So this morning when I went through my stream on Facebook, I saw a review of the movie by CNN. Ah, I thought and I've seen the movie already.

Yoga was great already. Will I manage to take these 10.000 steps today again? It's my plan.


10 000 steps


By now  I made 8.729 steps. Probably it's a bit more as I don't carry around my smart phone with the step counter all the time. I wanted to move today, no matter what. The surprise is that even though I walked rather slowly, I feel slightly exhausted now. I did something is the feeling.

Why 10 000 steps we wondered lately, why is it recommended to walk exactly 10 000 steps? The American heart society has found out that moving less can be considered as inactive. This convinced me.

I think I'll accomplish the 10 000 steps today. And tomorrow?

Since I know that yoga is not really a work out, I consider to add some other activities, too. I'm still in the phase to create routines here, too. Strength training, walking, all this shall keep me fit till 100+.

I sleep well these days. And long. The first month that I paid for yoga classes is soon over. I went  3 times. This is not much. Tonight I'll watch Florence Foster Jenkins. It's very unlikely that I'll get up at 5 when I'll be in bed at about 11 pm. I could plan a home practice. Wow, isn't this something I could look forward to? Yes, it is.

Yesterday I friend told me that she showed my blog to a friend. The friend was surprised: 'She is not missionary.' No, I'm not. I don't want to convince anybody to do what I do. Likes and dislikes are so personal.
I rather write about my struggles. This back injury really pushed me into a deep deep valley called: inactivity. I want to move out of this valley and this is not easy. Quickly other activities but practicing yoga dominate the day. Suddenly there is no time anymore for this spiritual practice. This happens so fast. There was something, I think sometimes......but I won't give up. Inactivity never helps.
Tomorrow I have no appointment. Tomorrow is the day for a home practice. It can be a short one. Whatever happens is great and deserves to be considered as great. A fresh passionate start is needed. No discussions anymore. I love yoga.



The circle


The circle: I practice, back pain returns, I wait and stop practicing, back pain disappears, I practice again and so on.

What to do?
To stop practicing is not an alternative. But for a while I must stop practicing primary. Back bending feels good, too much forward bending weakens my back.

Nothing less but the books by Arnold Schwarzenegger motivate me to keep practicing. To take care of the body is a must. The body needs movement.

I plan already 2017:
The focus is second series. Nothing else. Focus is back bending and strength training.
Perhaps my body stabilizes when I do something differently.

This back bending issues are with me now for a long time. This doesn't amuse me. But the issues shall not become an excuse to stop. To exercise softer and smarter, with more respect for the current limits might be the right way to heal again.




At home I would have stopped practicing


To get up at 5 am is the easy part. Also today I felt fresh and awake at that time. To get ready within an hour is possible. I drink a black cup of coffee, I shower and I write my journal within that time frame. At 6 am I leave the home, at 6:30 I can start with the first sun salutation.

It's still dark when I get up. I usually look out of the window to see who of my neighbours is up already. I saw a light in one of the windows in the opposite building. The early hours are great. Whatever one does, there is always another person on that globe who does almost the same. I know I'm not alone to get up that early. The difference might be that I'm loving it, many early-riser might prefer to sleep in.

I feel at home in the 'new' shala. We are a rather small group, under 10 people.
I experience support. My current situation is more important than the strict Ashtanga rules, which shall allow to teach as many yoginis as possible. I'm so glad that it's respected that I'm an individual with her own desires and needs.

I don't feel pushed to do anything that doesn't feel good to me.
I also omit asanas, like bakasana B. I fear dynamic movements. This all is possible. Today I added some relaxing asanas for my back. Such an atmosphere is exactly what I need to heal and to keep practicing. The difference between my home practice and the practice in the shala is tiny. But I have the energy of a group and a teacher. The adjustments I got today showed me that the teacher is experienced.

Today back pain was back. Now it's gone again. But during the practice it was awful. Next time I'll take my little ball to the class to roll out the muscle. It's called fascia massage. This helps.

The valley is deep and long. But I won't stay there. To stop the practice is not the solution. One has to move. Strength and flexibility are important especially if one gets older. Being inactive aggravates every life.

I'm sad and frustrated and furious, too. I knew it better. But I didn't listen to myself.

I have also energy. I won't give up. There is a lot to do:

1. Strength training
2. Nutrition (more protein)
3. Pranayama and meditation (can be done without pain)

This blog will support my activities. To document the progress or setbacks is supportive.

These days I practice till pincha mayurasana. After this asana I'm mentally done. I cannot convince myself to do another asana.

I marked my calender. I want to see where I'll be next year, the 30. December 2017. Shall my goals give me the necessary motivation for the daily work to get there.
One goal is to practice full 2nd series again. Focus is back bending. To be a bit more precise. I want to come up from urdhva dhanurasana and I want to come up from laghu vajrasana, too. Kapotasana is on the list, too.

Might it happen.

Also tomorrow I want to go to the shala.


Picture is taken 7 years ago. After work I went to the steps in front of a huge official building to enjoy the late afternoon sun. I had to ask people if they took a picture of myself.....I had no tripod and only a tiny camera.

Very content


My strategy to get up every day a bit earlier didn't work.

So yesterday was the day of decision. I enrolled for a yoga class that requires to book it in advance. Now I had to get up. Unbelievable, but today at 5 am I was less tired than yesterday at 8 am.

I had a phone call with the owner of the yoga studio yesterday. It was important to me to make sure that I don't have to start with primary again. It might be necessary to practice variations, I warned and asked if this was possible. It was.

Flexibility has many faces.

To listen to my body and it's possibilities and limits are more important than to follow Ashtanga yoga rules religiously. I found such a yoga group this morning, where this is possible.

The teacher observed me today, without adjusting. He wanted to observe my practice first, I learned later. Afterward I could also inform him about my practice and my injured sacroiliac joint and also what were my goals. This is in my opinion a very professional approach that shows me that the teacher has experience. A bit of conversation to get to know the students is important in my opinion.

It's easier to practice in a group. And if the individual situation is respected it's perfect.
Nevertheless I want to cultivate a home practice, perhaps twice a week.

I don't keep searching now for a group for myself. I found it. This makes me more than happy.

Picture: It's taken 3 years ago. The ups are fun in life, the downs probably are best opportunities to learn.

At 8 am my practice was over, after 90 min. It's perfect timing.
At home I can do pranayama and meditation.

Primary on Friday


Last Friday I practiced primary series again, that is  I did what was possible. From time to time I added a vinyasa. Kurmasana was intensive, but enough. I had to omit supta kurmasana. Several times I had to roll out my psoas muscle on the right side of my back. For the time being primary doesn't feel good. I don't want to lose all the asanas of primary and also not the vinyasas, but I see that it makes no sense to practice this first series of Ashtanga yoga. Pain is a good guide. The pain disappears faster than ever. Nevertheless it returns when I do all these forward bending asanas.

On Saturday I rested. Today second series is planned. I feel good again.

I should forget about primary for some time. I cannot find out what causes the pain exactly these days. Nevertheless it's there after primary. My focus must be second series and back bending, when I don't want to lose interest in that yoga activity I have to listen to my body.

Things happen, this back pain will hopefully make me smarter. Anything can always be learned.
The last years on the mat were great, I started appreciating the very early mornings. To get up at 5 am, before sunrise is fantastic. I want to get back to this habit. I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but I started loving it. It's just a habit that becomes easier every day.

Yesterday I found a quote my Henry Miller in the book 'Henry Miller on writing', page 20: Every man is working out his destiny in his own way and nobody can be of help except by being kind, generous and patient.

My yoga journey goes on with a different gear. A lot is to explore again. Being attentive is more important than achieving goals.


How to teach Ashtanga yoga for the masses



Prem Carlisi, one of the very first students of Patthabi Jois was interviewed. It clears up a lot of things that are happening these days in the Ashtanga yoga community.
(To get to the interview, click on Prem Carlisi.)

For some time my theory is that this rigidness in the so-called 'traditional' Ashtanga yoga classes is caused, because more and more people want to practice this style of yoga. Individual teaching is no more possible. The interview assured this.

How to teach the masses is the question? 

1. It was new to me that the led classes were such an attempt to teach more and more people at the same time.

2. I knew from the book Guruji that a bit more than a decade ago the Ashtanga yoga students remained in a pose for 8 breaths. I learned from the interview that a pose was even held for 10 breaths.
I thought the number of breaths has changed because the practices were too long for the busy students with jobs and family. But of course the faster the students are through a series the faster new students can be whipped through a series. The reasons to breathe only 5 times are not caused for didactic reasons, but for economic reasons.
At my age (57) it is necessary to stay longer in a pose than only a few seconds (5 breaths) if I want to learn a pose, if I want to relax when in a pose. It takes more time than only 5 breaths till an asana shows an effect. To get into the pose for 5 breaths and to get out of the pose has almost zero effect. You have done it, that's it. Quick, quick, next students are waiting already............At home I work on holding the challenging poses longer.

3. If everybody has to do the same, it's easy to control it.
Who can remember hundreds of students and what individual exercises were given the last time?

4. Another issue are the teacher: The masses need teacher. Too many people pilgrimaged to India who have never tried an Ashtanga yoga class before. So Sharath decided that only those students are accepted in India in Gokulam if they can prove that they practiced 3 months with an authorized teacher. This is a bottleneck. Are there enough authorized Ashtanga yoga teacher around the globe? Yet I think this action was necessary. It helps to get the more series students to India and to reserve a place for them.
Years ago we already discussed the issue that too many students want to go to Mysore. A friend had the idea that only those who want to become a yoga teacher should be accepted. I didn't agree with this suggestion. I never wanted to become a yoga teacher, but I never want to miss the time that I spent in Gokulam with Saraswathi. I consider myself as a series student of Ashtanga yoga.
I see it coming already. One day only Ashtanga yoga teacher are welcomed in the shala in Gokulam.

I loved to read how Prem is handling newcomers. First they have to watch one day and then they have to enroll for one month.
How are newcomers managed outside India? Newcomers know nothing. This is OK. The teacher usually have to focus 80% of the time to those people who drop in often only once. In the meanwhile an assistant is adjusting the advanced yoginis. Why has nobody the idea that assistants shall teach the newcomers and those students who practice less than one year while the more advanced teacher can dedicate the precious time to the more advanced yoginis?
There remains a lot to reflect.

If one wants to become an authorized yoga teacher (from India authorized, I don't talk about these 200-hours yoga teacher trainings), it's good to be male, one must be able to perform the asanas of the second series, and one must travel to India every year to see Sharath.
To point A: There are only 17 authorized yoginis 2016 even though the female practitioners make 80% to my estimate. In India I saw more yogis than in the Ashtanga yoga classes in the Western world yet also in Gokulam the men are in the minority, but make more than 90% of the authorized teacher. Why?
To point B: If you are young and flexible and strong, it's very likely to get authorized. But my experience is that those who have difficulties to perform asanas are more likely to understand the poses than those who are flexible by nature. Those stiff and weak aspirants might even be the better teacher therefore. Karandavasana might be the pose why more men get authorized than women. It requires a lot of strength in the arms to perform this pose. Men are usually stronger than women.
To point C: Sharath wants to know the teacher and I understand this. He wants to keep up the lineage. Yet the conditions have changed a lot. Ashtanga yoga today is no more the Ashtanga yoga a decade ago. To keep the Ashtanga yoga community together is indeed a very challenging job.

5. I've never heard that anybody learned anything about didactic (how to learn an asana) in the Ashtanga yoga community before getting authorized. During the years everybody got adjustments, surely. But that's it. It would be too time-consuming to teach the proper adjustment in addition. This has consequences.

I want to give an example. I practiced also with the Sivananda community more than a decade ago. I was taught the headstand in one session.

Those who have seen the movie 'The breathing Gods' have also seen how B.K.S. Iyengar taught an absolute newcomer to yoga headstand in only one session.

In the Ashtanga yoga community, it can take years to learn this pose. If the student is lucky he finds an online video. In classes I see 80% of the yoginis with wrong arm position when they are performing this pose. Because of this some (the women) are not able to hold the pose and the other group (the men) can hold the pose because they use strength. Only few have the right alignment. The wrong alignment can always cause injuries especially if exercised daily.
In the meantime a lot of very good practitioners share their knowledge online. This compensates a lot. A big thank you to all the yoginis who share their videos online for the world community for free even.

Often P. Jois is quoted. Once he must have said that everybody can do yoga, only the lazy ones cannot do yoga. This might be true. But if you follow the rigid Ashtanga yoga program of today it's likely that you get injured or that you are stopped at a very early asana. Only primary is not a balanced practice. It's focused on forward bending. And to do Urdhva dhanurasana, this intensive back bending asana after more than an hour of  forward bending asanas is awful.

Home practices will be part of my yoga journey. It allows me to adjust the practice to my needs. I admit I have to work on my discipline. This is the very first challenge, Every single day.


Hanumanasana - back bending preparation


I consider to exercise hanumanasana even before ustrasana. I used to do it before the kapotasana attempts.

If an asana is difficult I try to understand the pose. I separate the different skills that are necessary to perform the pose. I observe different aspects:

These questions can help for a better understanding of a pose?
1. How can I improve the technique? Do I move into an asana correctly, i.e.?
2. Do I need more strength? If yes, which muscles need a strength training (perhaps even in an extra session)?
3. Am I flexible enough? What can i do to get more flexible?
4. How is the breath when I perform an asana?
5. Is the dristi correct?

I use my own pictures to analyze my poses. So I realized that it could be good to be more flexible in front of the hips when I do back bending asanas. Probably due to too much primary this part shortened.

Hanumanasana helps me to open this part of the body.

1. If one stretches it is important to relax. In the above picture I sit on a block. I challenge myself, but I don't go too far. I hate to overstretch myself. This would mean a set back. I could do the pose already without a block, but for the time being it's good to use it. I repeat this pose.
2. To engage the leg muscles helps to protect the body. It supports the stretching.
3. I move the hip of the leg that is stretched backwards, forward and the other hip backwards.
4. Gravity helps.
5. The pose becomes easier when the toes are pointed.

For me hanumanasana is the ideal preparation for back bending.

Also today I practiced. 75 minutes of asana practice is enough. I felt done after this. Strength is coming back, too.



Yes, yes, it feels good to practice. 

My home practice makes me independent. I'll cultivate it. It IS possible to be alone on the mat and to practice consequently and to challenge oneself. But sometimes I might prefer to relax and to take it easy. This is possible at home, too. 

PS: Ustrasana on the second picture is done after hanumanasana. The front of the body is parallel to the wall due to this exercise. 

External clues are better than internal clues



I read a lot of books these days in order to close a huge gap. It's the 'how' to learn something not the 'what' to learn that interests me these days.

Many sportive people have a coach, who motivate the sportswoman. What is said in such a session can be effective or less effective.

If there is no coach or teacher, there is self-talk. This can be motivating or not. It can be effective or less effective.

One found out that external clues are more helpful than internal clues. An example, please have a look at the picture. 'Open your chest' is less useful than 'bring your chest to the wall'. 

(I know, the holy practitioners among us even prefer to think: open your heart.)

This is the work one can do. What is the external clue that helps me to get deeper into an asana?

The picture here is only 3 hours old. I practiced. It was not the early morning when I stood on my mat ready for the sun salutations. Too late I woke up and even with back pain. This is no longer an excuse. Back bending feels good, It helps to eliminate the pain. Amazing, but it is so.

After back bending I stopped my practice. It was enough.